


Everything To Love

by peri_zuli



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia, Human AU, Internalized Homophobia, Theyre gay yall, lapidot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 16:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8109670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peri_zuli/pseuds/peri_zuli
Summary: After Lapis had been kicked out by her homophobic family, Peridot decides to let her stay at her place until she can get back on her feet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So i'm probably gonna continue this and make it multi-chapter and stuff. I'll see how people like it before adding a bunch of chapters!
> 
> Edit: I fixed some mistakes I made last night bcus I was half asleep while writing this.

Lapis sighed as she set her luggage down by her feet. She read a slip of paper with an address scrawled onto it, and looked up at the door in front of her.

She was exhausted. She had been driving for hours to get here. Where she lived- or, well... used to live wasn't exactly close to this place. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a key. She fumbled with it as she unlocked the door.

No one was home. This wasn't alarming. She was told that no one was going to be home until later that night. She dragged her belongings in, and set them inside an almost empty room. There was only a desk and a sheet-less bed. Lapis hoped this room wasn't important for whoever lived here. She didn't want to be a burden on anyone. 

As she got used to the room, she leaned down to a crate she had carried in. She opened it and a small grey cat crawled out.

Lapis pulled the cat into her arms. "Sorry 'bout the long ride, Frisky." 

She scratched the feline behind the ears as it purred in response. Lapis started to think it was funny that her friends just so happened to have another friend with an extra room, and this friend just so happened to be able to take both her and her cat, and she just so happened to be able to pay for food for both of them. If she wasn't in the situation she was in now, she wouldn't have accepted the offer. Who knows what would happen if she decided to room with a random stranger, in a different city, that she only knows through friends. This person could be a complete creep. She had no other choice, and either way, she trusted her friends. They wouldn't let her stay there if it was unsafe.

She was too fatigued from the car ride here. She didn't bother to set the sheets. She grabbed a blanket from her suitcase and curled up in bed. Frisky went off to explore the new environment. Lapis stared at the wall while she was under her huge blanket. A lot had happened the last few months.

A couple months ago, she was living at her parents house. She was out of high school and was planning to go to college. Her parents had the money and were willing to pay for their daughters education. That was until Lapis came out to them. They immediately withdrew from paying for college, and kicked her out. She packed some of her belongings in a suit case, got her cat, and lived in her car for almost a month.

Recently, her friends tried to help out. They talked to a friend of theirs. They said they knew a girl with extra space, who was willing to let her stay there for however long she needed. At first Lapis was going to decline. She didn't even know this girl. Her friends talked to her, Lapis was able to talk to this friend a couple times. She learned her name was Peridot and that she was a complete nerd. She knew she couldn't stay in her car forever. She was sent the keys to the apartment, and given an address. 

All of that lead up to her laying in her new bed, drifting into sleep.

After an hour long nap, Lapis was awoken.

"Hey? Lapis, you awake?" A nasally voice started to catch her attention.

She sat up quickly. "Huh?!"

The girl leaped back. "Sorry! I was- I was making sure you were alright here."

Lapis squinted at her and yawned. She rubbed her eyes and focused on the girl standing in the room. She had slightly tanned skin and large circle rim glasses. Her blonde hair was an absolute mess, but in a nice way. The bun in her hair seemed like it would fall out any moment. She was short. About five feet. Maybe even four foot ten. Her nose was small and pointed while her mouth was thin and crooked.  
"Are- You're Peridot, right?" 

Peridot nodded. "Yes that's me. Do you uh... Need anything? Do you need help setting up?"

Lapis shook her head. "No thank you. If you want you can show me around I guess."

Peridot perked up. "Oh? Well follow me!" She lightly grabbed her hand and lead her out the room. 

"So the bathroom is over there. Theres plenty of food in the fridge, and I always go shopping on Sundays." She looked back at Lapis. "This is the living room. I have a TV here if you get bored. It doesn't have a lot of channels on it though." She continued. "Oh! I do have lots of DVDS and VHS tapes!" 

She ran over to the small TV in front of the couch. She grabbed several tapes and gave them to Lapis. They were large and bulky and read "Camp Pining Hearts." in big yellow letters covered in hearts. Lapis held in a laugh. She found it quite amusing this girl was still using VHS tapes in the year 2016. 

"This one is really good! You can watch anything I have here!"

Lapis smiled at her enthusiasm. She had a lot of energy.

"I'll probably be in my room if you need me, kay?"

Lapis pushed her faded blue hair behind her ear. "Alright. Thank you for all this."

Peridot beamed. "You're welcome! Any friend of Ruby is a friend of mine!" She smiled at Lapis before suddenly stopping. "I gotta feed Turquoise! I'll be in there with her. You can borrow her cat food for whats her name, Hissy?"

"Frisky."

"Yeah! Anyways, bye!" Peridot shut the door to her room. 

Lapis sighed in relief. She wasn't roomed with a creep and the girl seemed to be nice. She was a bit over excited about everything. She seemed friendly. Maybe they could be good friends in the future. For now, she wanted to rest. She sat on the couch and turned on the TV. A VHS was already in the player. She decided to watch that. Frisky strutted her way to the couch and meowed at Lapis.

Lapis looked down at her. "I hope you like this place better than the back of my car."

She laid down and watched the screen unfold in front of her eyes. She had nothing better to do at the moment. Except set up her room, but she decided to do that later. Right now all she wanted to do was sit, and do nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got the second chapter here! I'll probably edit it if I find some mistakes. Don't be afraid to tell me any mistakes or tell me a better way to word something!
> 
> Warnings: Homophobia, homophobic slurs.

Lapis awoke in her room. She was hit with a smell of pancakes and bacon. A voice was heard from outside the door, obviously Peridot talking to the cats. She walked out of her room.

"Good morning Lapis!" Peridot welcomed her as soon as she noticed her. There were two plates with freshly made breakfast on the table.

Lapis yawned and looked at Peridot. "Morning... What's this?"

"It's breakfast! I made it for both of us, if you want some- Kitty no!" She shooed the cat off the table. "Sorry."

Lapis chuckled. She took a seat at the table and looked at her meal. The bacon was nice and crispy. The pancakes weren't circles, but more like clusters of blobs. She poured thick syrup over her food and began eating. 

Peridot soon followed after her. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mhm." Lapis answered after swallowing her food. "Thanks for breakfast. It's really good."

Peridot smiled. "No problem! I'm glad you like it!" 

There was a bit of silence before Peridot spoke again. "So, since I have today off, I'm gonna stop by the store. Do you need anything? Oh! When I get home, we could watch a movie if you want!"  
"Maybe some extra food. I don't want to eat all your food."

Peridot nodded and started writing on a piece of paper. "Anything specific?"

"Get me whatever you want," Lapis said as she finished her plate. She brought it to the sink. "Need me to come with? I can get stuff for myself."

"No, unless you want to. It'd be nice to have company!" 

"I'll go with. I have nothing better to do." 

"Alright! We'll go after I feed the cats." Peridot set her fork down, and ran to the food bowl.

"Will she be alright alone with Frisky?" Lapis asked as she pointed at the chubby cat sprawled on the couch.

"She'll be fine! She's friendly... Most of the time."

Lapis quickly got ready. She followed Peridot out the door and to the car. 

She buckled herself in the front seat. Peridot sat behind the wheel. She had to scoot the chair ridiculously close to the peddles for her to even reach them. Lapis wasn't exactly tall herself, but the fact that Peridot was so tiny was a bit humorous.

Lapis stared out the window as they drove. She watched the trees and buildings go by. Some pop station played quietly on the radio. Peridot talked over the music most of the way to the store. Lapis didn't mind.  
They arrived at the store. Peridot grabbed a cart and zoomed off. She told Lapis to grab anything she wanted. She grabbed chips, cereal, and cheap microwave dinners. She grabbed some cheap blue hair dye as well. She wasn't able to take care of her hair since she was kicked out. Her dark brown roots were very noticeable now.  
Lapis found Peridot and walked with her as Peridot threw items into her cart. 

Peridot took a peak at Lapis's cart. "Are you sure that's all you want? It's not very much. There's not even a single fruit or vegetable in there. Doesn't that seem a bit unhealthy?" Peridot realized she was being slightly hypocritical, when she realized there was nothing but junk food in her cart.

Lapis chuckled. "I didn't move in so you could mock me about what I eat." She said with a small smile.  
Peridot looked slightly offended. "I'm not mocking! I'm just concerned for my roommate." 

Lapis laughed again. As they got in check out, she brought out her wallet. She didn't have much, but she didn't want to make Peridot pay for this stuff by herself.  
When they arrived home, Peridot offered Lapis some of her hair bleach. Lapis lazily applied it to her roots, and re-colored her hair. After she was done, she left the bleach-smelling room, and went back to the living room. Peridot had started a movie for the both of them. Lapis was glad she was able to keep her busy. 

Peridot talked a lot during the movie. After a few minutes she would apologize and make herself stop, then start talking again. She talked a lot, which was good, because Lapis was almost never the one to make conversation. 

The movie was pretty good. It was about an alien race trying to destroy Earth. While aliens of that same race rebelled against them to save Earth. 

The movie was over, Peridot laid on the couch and mumbled to herself about the movie. Lapis got a snack from a grocery bag and walked back into her room.  
Now she was alone and didn't have something to distract her, her mind wandered off to her family.

She tried her best not to think about them. She missed her old home. She was angry and hurt about what her parents did, but something in the back of her mind kept asking her, "What if they were right about you?" "What if you really are disgusting, like they said?"

That was a stressful day for her. She was practically chased out of the house. She cried for the first time in years as her mother and father threw insults and slurs at her. They told her to "Go to counseling and stop being a queer, or don't come home." She got her cat, and her necessities. She then got in her car and left that night. She never came back.

Home was nice before that night. She would cherish the hugs she got from her family. The smell of cookies, when her mother decided to bake. Her nice warm room she would sit in and listen to music, or play PC games in her free time. She wanted to go back so bad, but it wasn't the same. Instead that place was unsafe now. She couldn't go back no matter how much she missed the older times.  
She decided to do something else, instead of sit in her bed and do nothing. She got her laptop out of her suitcase and started looking through her social media. 

Out of all the shitty things that happened these past months, Lapis was incredibly grateful that Peridot was nice enough to let her stay. She really didn't know how to thank her for it, but if she knew how, she would do it. 

Later that night, she went to let Peridot know she was going to bed. Only Peridot had already fallen asleep at her desk. 

Her face was pressed against the keyboard, and her glasses were pushed out of place. Lapis giggled at the sight. She grabbed a blanket and set it on Peridot's shoulders. She really was cute, but Lapis didn't think much about it. 

Lapis went back to her room and leaped into her bed. After laying down for a few minutes, she fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3. Tell me if I make any errors so I can fix them!

Lapis started the same morning routine she started every day. She ate, brushed her teeth, and quickly got ready. She had been living with Peridot for several weeks now, so she was starting to get somewhat settled in. Nothing much exciting happened. Lapis would stay at home most of the time. She spent most of her time on her computer, looking for jobs, or she would watch Peridots shows with her. She would get bored sometimes, but Peridot was almost always home when she wasn't at work, and she was fun to talk to.

She stared in the mirror as she carefully applied what was left of her makeup. Peridot, who was already dressed and ready, was waiting in the living room. They were going to meet with some friends this afternoon.

“Hey Lap are you almost done? We gotta leave in a couple minutes.”

Lapis looked towards the door. “Yeah in a minute.”

She quickly brushed through her short hair. She messed with it until she was satisfied, and walked out of the bathroom. Peridot grabbed her keys and walked out the door with Lapis.

It was a nice day. Lapis watched the buildings go by as they drove. Beach city was a nice place, though it was still unfamiliar to her. She wouldn’t mind starting a life here. It was a very pretty place. Right by the beach too.

She was happy to be able to see her friends in person again. The last time her, Ruby, and Bismuth saw each other was sophomore year. When she was told they were moving, she was upset her only friends were going to be leaving together, and that the two of them could still hangout while she stayed in a different town across the state. They still communicated online. They met new people that Lapis became friends with as well. If it weren’t for them, she’d still be living in her car.

A lot seemed to have happened after they moved. Ruby and Bismuth finished high-school like Lapis. Ruby got a girlfriend as well. Lapis was good friends with her.

She hoped it wouldn’t be awkward to see them again after so long.

Peridot parked near a small restaurant. They spotted the group of friends inside the building. They all waved as soon as they noticed the familiar faces.

When the two walked in, the group greeted them immediately. Lapis was greeted with an attack of hugs. This was the first time in three years, and for most of the people here, the first time ever, that they were seeing each other in person.

There they were. There was a short and somewhat muscular woman with brown curly hair, Ruby. Another young woman as short as ruby, she had long light blue colored hair and wore a bandage on her eye, that was Sapphire. A tall muscular woman with bright rainbow colored dreads was there as well, Bismuth, A short chubby girl with long white/purple hair, Amethyst. and Rose, who was tall, and had large pink ringlets surrounding her head.

They all finished their joyful greeting. Lapis could have sworn she saw Bismuth tear up a bit. It was really great to see everyone.

They all sat down. The table was full of chatter between the group.

“So where’s Pearl and Greg?” Lapis asked Rose as she looked through a menu. “I thought I was gonna meet them. Is everything still going good?”

“Oh, Pearl’s busy and Greg is at home watching Steven” The tall woman answered. “You would really love Steven, He is the sweetest little boy you’ll ever meet.”

“Hey I need a job, why don’t you let me babysit.” Lapis asked. Rose nodded in response. “I’m sure I’ll need one, thanks for the offer.”

“You can come work with me at funland.” Amethyst added in.

“I can ask if my boss is willing to hire you.” Bismuth said. “He’s practically begging for new employees right now.”

“Thanks.” Lapis answered. “I’ll ask about it if I need to.”

“How is it at Peri’s place?” Ruby asked.

“It’s good.” Lapis answered. “She’s been really helpful and nice. I’m glad she’s here to help.”

Peridot smiled. “You’re welcome!”

They all talked about what was going on. Rose got a promotion. Sapphire rented an apartment. Peridot talked about her new job and her life with Lapis.

“You guys getting comfy with each other yet?” Amethyst asked the two. “Maybe a bit more than comfortable?”

Peridot blushed furiously. “I’ve known her for like three weeks!”

Lapis blushed slightly and giggled. The conversation changed quickly.

After their meal, and a long conversation full of stories, inside jokes, and laughter, they paid and made their way outside.

They all stood to talk before leaving. Lapis leaned against the side of the building while Peridot spoke to Ruby. Sapphire joined Lapis. There was a few moments of silence before she spoke.

“You should talk to her.”

Lapis looked at her. “What?”

“Talk to her about this.” Sapphire continued. “You’re going to need someone to vent to. Peridot comes from a family like yours. I’m sure she’d appreciate being your friend and getting to know you, and I’m sure you will too.”

“Alright… I’m sure it’ll be brought up. I don’t know if she’d be happy with me spilling all my feelings onto her.”

Sapphire shook her head. “I’m not saying you have to do that,” She started to walk away. “but I can tell you two are gonna become close.”

Lapis laughed. “What, are you some sort of fortune teller or something?”

Sapphire giggled. “Maybe I am.”

The group said their goodbyes and separated. Lapis walked with Peridot back to the car.

“Should we stop by the store for anything? What do you wanna do?” Peridot asked as she started the car.

“I wanna go home and sleep.”

“It’s only 3 PM.”

“3 PM is sleep time.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

The two made their way home. They both sat on each side of the couch. “Wanna watch the rest of season 8?” Lapis asked, as she grabbed a camp pining hearts VHS from the coffee table.

“I thought you said you wanted to sleep.”

“I changed my mind.”

They sat together and watched their show. It was cheesy, but Lapis still liked it. Her and Peridot would often talk about it together.

She listened to Peridot as she talked about the show. She didn’t know why but… Lapis felt some sort of admiration for Peridot. She wasn’t sure how to put her finger on the feeling. It was probably because of all that she had done for her. She simultaneously watched the TV, and Peridot, as her mouth spoke words at a million miles an hour. They sat in the living room all afternoon and evening and finished the entire season, and Lapis had a feeling Sapphire was going to be right. She was going to have a new great friend. She was lucky to know someone like Peridot. She wanted to be her friend. She wanted to get closer. She would have to move out eventually. She couldn’t stay in Peridots house forever, but she hoped their friendship could still continue after that.

 _“Maybe we could even… No… That won’t happen.”_ She shook that thought off. _“I shouldn’t be thinking about a relationship like that with her, I haven’t even known her for that long.”_ It’s not like she even felt that towards her, right? She told herself that she was only just thinking that because she was grateful for what she was doing.

After dinner, they parted ways for the night and left to their rooms. The rest of the night was quiet, with only occasional noises from cars. Both of the girls relaxed in their rooms as they thought about their own personal things.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so sorry if this chapter is kinda wonky? I tried to find a way to fit this stuff here but I hope you like it. Again, let me know if I make any mistakes.
> 
> Warnings - Homophobia, Homophobic slurs

“Are you sure you’re ok, Lapis?”

Lapis nodded her head as she brushed some strands of hair away from her face. “I’m fine, Peridot. I’m just tired.”

Peridot shuffled uneasily in her chair. “What did she say?”

Lapis opened a text from her mother. “She asked me where I was at. Then told me to call her.”

“Why do you think she wants you to call?”

“I dunno.” Lapis answered with a sigh. “Probably to lecture me again.”

“Are you gonna call her? Do you want to?” Peridot asked.

“I don’t want to, but I probably should.”

“I can leave the room if you want.” Peridot offered. “Do you want me to?”

“It’s fine, you can stay if you want.”

Peridot stayed put in her seat. Lapis took a deep breath and dialed a number.

“Hi mom.”

_“Where are you?”_

“Nowhere. Just at a friends house.”

_“What friend?”_

“It’s no one. Don’t worry about it-“

Lapis was interrupted _“I’m still not happy with you for that stunt you pulled. I hope you’re realizing what you did wrong. Maybe if you learn your lesson you can come back home.”_

Lapis gritted her teeth. “I don’t want to come home right now.”

_“That’s too bad. I was hoping you would change your mind. Maybe you need more time.”_

“I’m not going to ‘change my mind’, Mom. This isn’t something I can just change.”

_“It is something you can change, and you are going to change it or not come back home. This is exactly why I didn’t want you hanging out with those queer friends you had. Just look at what they did to you.”_

Lapis’s anger was growing by the second. She wanted to yell and scream at her mother, and tell her to her face why she’s an awful person and how she’s a bitch for treating her and her friends like this. She remembered she wasn’t at home anymore. Her mom couldn’t do anything. She didn’t have to be nice.

“My friends didn’t turn me gay. I knew about this since I was 13. I don’t want to continue this conversation if you’re going to keep calling my friends ‘queers’”

_“You’re not gay. You’ve had several boyfriends. You just think you are, and until you stop thinking that you are not allowed home.”_

“Mom.” Lapis said sternly.

_“What?”_

“Your daughter is a lesbian. There is nothing you can do or say that is going to change that. The only thing you have done is make me feel terrible and dirty for being who I am. My whole life I felt like this because you can’t except people who aren’t exactly how you want them to be. You’ve been a terrible parent, and I don’t want to have any contact with you anymore. I do not want to talk to dad either. I want you both to leave me the fuck alone and think about your sorry lives for a bit.”

_“I don’t like your tone, Lapis.”_

“I don’t like how you treated me.”

_“Lapis!”_

“Goodbye. Don’t call or text me anymore.”

Lapis slammed her phone onto the table and buried her face in her hands. She walked away as she made a frustrated noise.

“Lapis?”

“Months later, and all she has to say to me is this bullshit!  How can she even just… How can she tell me she loves me, and the next day force me to live in my car and ignore me for this long?! Who the hell does she think she is?”

Lapis wrapped her arms around herself. She tried not to cry in front of Peridot. “Because of them I can’t go to college now! I’ll never be able to get the job I wanted and I’m probably never gonna amount to anything.”

Peridot worriedly looked at Lapis. She was unsure of what to do to make her feel better. She ran up to her.

“I- Um, I’m sorry…”

Lapis sat down on the couch and rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t even begin to describe the emotions she was feeling right now. A mix of anger, sadness, and resentment crashed onto her.

She thought she missed her home. She missed what it used to be. She didn’t miss her parents. she just missed what was there before all this happened. It was strange not being there.  It was such a familiar town but it’s not even her home anymore. She didn’t feel safe there, and she didn’t want to ever go back, but this wasn’t her home either. At least not yet. Beach city was a nice place but is it really a place she would be able to call home? Only time would be able to tell, but for now, she focused on her feelings of rage and sorrow towards her family.

“Y-You know… You can still go to college, even if you start late, and it’s not like your life is ruined! You’re not homeless and I’m not gonna have you leave until you are 100% ready to move. It may take time but you can get through this. You don’t need your parents. You got your friends here. I-I know a lot is happening, but you’re strong enough to pull through.

Lapis looked up at her. Peridot wasn’t sure if she thought any of that was helpful or not.

Lapis brought her arms around Peridot as she made a surprised noise. She hugged her tight and tried not to sob into her shoulder.

“T-Thank you, so much.”

Peridot hugged her back.

Lapis looked up at her. “Really, Thank you. I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for you. I wish I could repay you somehow.”

“You don’t have to do anything. I’m just trying to help out.”

They stayed wrapped in the hug for a while, before pulling apart.

Peridot started to speak “My family is almost exactly like yours. I’m not even out to them. I don’t know if I ever will be.” She sighed. “The thing is, I kinda know what you’re going through I guess, and I’ll be here if you ever need any help with anything.”

“Thank you. It’s really nice to have you here to talk to about this.”

“I’m glad I can talk to you about this too.”

Lapis gave her another quick hug, and lightly held her hand. She wanted to thank her a million times.

Peridot looked at their intertwined hands. She blushed slightly at the touch, and wondered for probably the hundredth time, if she was harboring a crush on this girl.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired its midnight take this.  
> My girlfriend helped with some of the grammar and editing in this chapter! Now I'm super tired rn so let me know any mistakes I made and I'll fix them. I hope you'll enjoy.

The room was filled with the sound of words, but not from Lapis or Peridot. A laptop was set on the table, with music playing from the speakers. The two girls sat sprawled on the couch not speaking a word to each other. Instead they enjoyed the songs together as they relaxed. The both of them had rather strange tastes in music, though it wasn’t necessarily bad.

Peridot looked at Lapis as she hummed along to the music. She smiled at the sight of her looking so relaxed and happy. Peridot went deeper into her thoughts and that smile turned into a frown. She looked back up at her.

“Hey Lapis?”

Lapis stopped humming. “Yeah?”

“Um…” Peridot held the blanket she had closer to her. “Do you think my mom would react like yours did? I-If I came out?”

“I don’t know.” She responded. “It depends on what she thinks of gay relationships.”

Peridot looked down. “My family is very… vocal about being against them.”

Lapis was unsure of what to tell her. “Well… Maybe they won’t be as angry since you’re part of the family.”

“What if they are though.”

Lapis thought for a moment. “If they are… I mean, it’s gonna be hard, but you don’t need them. It doesn’t matter what they think. You already have a job and an apartment and you should be able to be who you want!”

Lapis hoped that would make her feel a little better. It seemed to work from the slight smile she saw on her face. She scooted closer to her and took hold of her hand.

“When are you thinking of coming out?” Lapis asked. “If you’re wanting to?”  


Peridot shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to do it.”

“Hey, that’s not true. You’re already brave just by living your life how you are whether you’re out or not. Even if you stay closeted forever, that doesn’t mean you’re not brave.”

Peridot lightly squeezed her hand. “Thank you.”

There were a few moments of silence before Lapis stood up and spoke.

“Do you wanna do something To get your mind off of it?” She stood up, and held out her hand to Peridot. “We could dance.”

Peridot looked at her inviting hand. She nodded gently, and took it in her own.

Lapis immediately pulled her closer and spun her around. They both giggled as they stumbled and danced around the room.

After several minutes, their awkward footing caused Peridot to trip. Luckily, Lapis caught her in time. They stood in an awkward dip position, while Lapis was holding her by the waist.

She stammered as she apologized for tripping her. “S-Sorry.”

“Its fine.”

She looked down at the girl in her arms. They were close, so close that Lapis saw slight faded freckles dusted across Peridots cheeks that she never noticed before. She stared into the wide, bright blue eyes that stared into her own. Both of their faces heated up noticeably.

Lapis realized she was still holding her and was about to put her down, but before she could, Peridot leaned in and lightly pressed her lips against hers.

At first Lapis was shocked, but she soon welcomed the kiss and tenderly kissed her back.

The embrace was cut short when Peridot quickly pulled away.

“I-I’m sorry” She started to stammer nervously. “I-I shouldn’t have-”

 “No! it’s ok, I’m not mad I…” She blushed again. “That was nice.”

Peridot looked back at her and blushed. She tried to cover her it with her hands.

She was a bit surprised Lapis liked it. She wanted to kiss her again, but didn’t know if she would be too nervous to ask.

She took a deep breath

“C-Can we do that again? If you’re okay with it?”

Lapis turned to her again. Trying and failing to hide her smile. “Yeah, I would like that.”

This time Lapis started the kiss. It lasted longer and was less sloppy than the first.

Lapis focused on how soft and warm the kiss was, and when she pulled away she looked at Peridot. She couldn’t begin to describe how _beautiful_ she was in that moment.

Lapis couldn’t help but giggle a bit. Peridot started to laugh as well.

They both sat back down on the couch. Both flustered and confused by what just happened.

Lapis processed everything for a moment. Peridot had _kissed_ her, and asked to kiss her again. Something about it made her feel happy and warm inside. She looked at Peridot again. She was curled back in her blanket again, and blushing brightly. Lapis found it adorable.

She was developing feelings for Peridot, and she was now realizing it. She didn’t want to admit it, but she adored how her nose would scrunch up when she laughed uncontrollably, how she would ramble when they got in deep conversation, How her wild, messy hair would frame her face, and how she would loudly sing in her room while Lapis pretended she couldn’t hear. This feeling was all too familiar, but almost different. Almost like what she felt when she saw a pretty girl in her class, or when a cute girl would smile at her in public, but to a greater extent.

She liked her. She liked her a lot, and all she wanted to do was kiss her again, and again. It’s all she could think about.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Peridot suddenly got up. “I’m uh… gonna go start on dinner. I’ll tell you when its ready.”

“Oh, I’ll come help.” Lapis answered.

They both hurried into the kitchen. Peridot's mind was a jumbled mess of emotions. She just kissed the girl she has had a crush on for months. She couldn’t be cool or smooth about it at all since she was a nervous wreck, but Lapis seemed to like it. She liked it when she kissed her, and It made Peridot feel so happy that she could barely contain it.

They didn’t talk about it for the rest of the night, but they still talked while the two were filled with affection. Neither of them knew what to think of it, or knew what to do about it. All they knew is that they wanted to do it again, but were both too nervous to ask again. They parted ways and went to bed, and acted as if nothing happened. Both of them fell asleep, as they replayed the scene in their heads.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took like ten years. I hope you guys like it. This chapter is probably wonky and too fast but if you have any problems let me know.
> 
> Warnings - Homophobia, internalized homophobia.

A few days later after the romantic exchange between the two, Lapis couldn’t help but feel she had done something terribly wrong.

It was obvious Peridot was trying to avoid her. The only conclusion she could come to is that she made her upset somehow. She felt awful. She told herself over and over in her head that she shouldn’t have kissed her back. It seemed as if Peridot hated her now and it must have been all because of what she did.

Of course, Peridot was the one who asked to kiss Lapis, but she still felt as if she pressured her. She must have said or done _something_ to make her feel obligated to make romantic gestures at her.

She had to talk to her. She had to ask her what she did wrong and apologize. She did care very much for this girl, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her in any way.

So she waited. She sat quietly in her room, as she searched through her phone apps. It wasn’t long before Peridot came home exhausted from work.

Lapis crept out of her room and greeted Peridot as she set her things on the couch.

“Hey.”

“Oh, Hey Lapis.”

It was silent for a few moments before Lapis spoke again.

“Can I ask you something?”

  
Peridot looked up at her. “Sure, what is it?”

“I’m sorry if this is a weird, sudden question, but have I done anything wrong?”

Peridot looked confused. “No? What makes you think that?”

Lapis looked down at her fidgeting hands.

“Well… It kinda seems like you’ve been avoiding me since… a couple nights ago and I’m worried.”

“Oh.” Peridot looked down as well. “Well I’m not avoiding you because of what happened, if you’re worried about that.”

“Then what is it?” Lapis asked. “What did I do wrong?”

“You haven’t done anything.”

There were several more moment of silence. Peridots head was filled with thoughts.

She wasn’t upset or mad at Lapis. She was upset at herself. Truth was, she was terrified. She really did love Lapis, and she knew it, but she was terrified what was gonna happen if she acted on it. Ever since she kissed her her a voice yelled telling her how bad she was for touching her like that. Whenever she tried to think about how soft her lips felt, or how nice it felt to have her so close, she was always told by _something,_ she wasn’t sure what, but something was telling her it was wrong for her to even think about doing anything with Lapis. Remembering what many people told her about the subject of same sex couples didn’t help her feel any better either.

The main problem was what would happen if she acted on her feelings again. She knew for a fact her whole family would shun her if they found out. What would happen if someone decided to out her to the wrong person? She admired Lapis for her bravery to come out, even though it didn’t work out well, but she didn’t think she could be as brave as Lapis was.

Thoughts were overloading her brain. She turned around and covered her face.

Lapis leaned over “…Peridot?” she asked in a worried tone.

“I really like you…”

Lapis looked at her confused.

“I really _really_ like you and I’m scared.”

Lapis patted the seat next to her, and held her arm out. “What are you scared of?”

Peridot sat down and leaned into Lapis. “I’m scared I’m wrong. I’m scared if I follow my heart and be who I want to be its going to be a disaster. It might even ruin my life, but I can’t be happy hiding who I am. I want to be with you but I’m terrified of making the wrong choice and fucking everything up. I might even make your situation worse for you.”

Lapis tried to think of good advice.

“Well… You should do what makes you happy. You can be yourself without having to be out to _everyone_. It doesn’t make you any less brave to still be closeted. You deserve to be yourself whether people know or not. I know making the wrong choice is a scary thought, but you don’t know what will happen if you don’t do it.”

There was more silence, but it wasn’t the awkward silence like before. It was comforting silence as the two leaned into each other, knowing that whatever happened, they would be there for each other.

“What if I’m doing something wrong? What if I hurt you?”

Lapis brushed her fingers through Peridots hair. “Trust me, if you want to go with your feelings, it will go great. I do feel the same, and I would be very happy if we could start a relationship. Unless you don’t want to, then I can stop talking about it and I’ll stop showing romantic affection to you.”

“No!” Peridot retorted. “I-I want to be with you. I want to be in a relationship with you… If you’re okay with it.”

Lapis giggled. “Again, I would be very happy.”

“So.. um…”

“Yeah?” Lapis asked.

“Do you? Uh.. wanna be my girlfriend or.. something? Or we can start slow and see how things work out.”

Lapis pressed a light kiss against her forehead. “I think that would be nice.”

Peridot grinned and cuddled closer to Lapis. She wrapped her arms against her waist and relaxed with her, feeling completely safe in her arms.

They both held each other close. They had the rest of the night to themselves, and they wanted nothing more than to be close and happy together.

“I love you Peridot.” Lapis murmured as she pulled her closer, and played with her messy hair.

When those words were said, Peridot felt so light and happy. She was starting to know that it was okay. It was okay to love and to be loved. She loved Lapis and Lapis loved her too and there was nothing wrong with it.

“I love you too Lapis.”

Lapis thought about everything that had happened since she had to move. She was starting to think she could call this place home.


End file.
